Hippie In A Suit

Episode 2: 30s, Single and Tired of the Mingle

You have probably heard or used the phrase “single and ready to mingle” before, right? Well if you had asked me a year ago, this would have been one of my catchphrases, but fast forward a year and an entire pandemic life later, and I have completely changed my tune.

You see, like most late 20s to early 30s ladies, my mother erected a ‘my daughter must marry’ alter in her house, where she’s constantly binding and casting any village people stopping my marriage progress. So, as the good child I am, I decided to help her matter and actually go on dates, because in the past I was always so focused on work and living for the next adventure on the weekends. I asked my friend Tobi ‘Mr. Lagos Social Prefect’, to set up a blind date for me with some of his guys.

Two days later Tobi said, “Laraba I have found you a date oh. He’s the Brand Manager for a telecom company, he likes eating out, he’s family oriented, Godfearing, he’s actually super chill, but he can be a bit traditional”. As you can imagine, when I heard all these I was like, could it be? The love of my life is one meeting away? Guys, let me tell you, when I say I already pictured the whole wedding affair I am not joking. Don’t blame me at the time I was definitely ready to mingle.

So I confirmed Tobi should set it up and we agreed that the guy (who is called Buchi) and I would meet at Boat Club, Ikoyi, Lagos. Fast forward a few days later and I met Buchi. Gosh the guy was foooiinnee, oozed charisma and I was instantly taken by his personality. We got talking and Buchi sounded sweet and reasonable, up until he asked who my favourite author was, since I loved reading so much. I excitedly said “Chimamanda Adiche”, thinking that this will lead to a deep conversation, but alas. My man said “Ohhh so you’re one of those? Daughters of Chimamanda, Feminist? I should have known”.

My mouth dropped open and before I could say anything he continued, “You see, why do women in our generation focus heavily on changing what isn’t broken? God created the institution so that men can protect, provide and guide women, but y’all are so focused on equality and speaking your mind, that you leave behind broken marriages”. At this point my head was spinning, I thought, if he wanted a fight I’ll give him one. So I said “What do you mean by you should have known? Do I give off feminist vibes? Also, why do you have a problem with women speaking their mind?” Guys, I’m not joking when I say this guy casually sipped his drink, smirked at me and said, “You see, you’re already raising your voice and I haven’t said anything. Since equality is what you’re searching for, maybe you should just pay for the bill instead. After all it’s only fair”.

See me see wahala? The words I spoke and the words I still want to speak when I remember, it’s best I keep them to myself. Needless to say, I paid MY HALF of that bill, never saw him again and banned Tobi from ever setting me up again! Apparently when Tobi said he was a bit traditional, he was underplaying just how traditional.

This experience made me question what role feminism played in our current world? Why can’t a woman be a feminist and maintain a respectful home? Is this the prevailing assumption now? Anyway, this is just one of my horror stories. If this happened before the pandemic, you don’t want to hear the horrors during the pandemic.

So till next time, know your worth, don’t settle and please be safe.

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